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The way that a person defines their sexuality is a profoundly individualized and unique experience. And while some people stereotypically view anal stimulation as an act associated with gay men, anal sex is a sexual behavior, not tied to a group of people or a specific sexual orientation.
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In fact, oral sex and mutual masturbation are more commonly reported behaviors than anal stimulation among gay men in long-term relationships. Further, being a gay man isn’t a mandate for enjoying anal sex. For example, anal sex isn’t a prerequisite for being a gay man. Similarly, a person’s sexual orientation doesn’t limit them to a prescribed playlist of sexual activities - it’s much more complex than that. As you've indicated, there’s a difference between an individual’s sexuality and their sexual behaviors, and it’s good to note that sexual behaviors don’t necessarily indicate a person’s sexuality. Thanks for your confidence in Go Ask Alice! and for helping maintain its accuracy. Quite frankly, it's not necessarily a very pleasurable experience for novices. Porno stars show this to be mandatory for a male-to-male relationship. I think they feel pressured to engage in anal sex, especially if they view pornography. I also want to make it clear to those young men who are just coming out. I believe being gay is about having emotional relationships with men and not necessarily about the type of sex acts one engages in. This might comfort some of the straight men who write you and say they enjoy anal stimulation. I don't think enjoying anal sex is synonymous with homosexuality. I know many men who prefer not to engage in this sex act. Perhaps when you respond to further questions about homosexuality, you could mention this:Īll gays do not engage in anal sex. I am gay and found your answers to be very appropriate and right on the money. I read many of your previous Q&As, especially those regarding homosexuality. I just found your site after reading an article in the May issue of Men's Health.